Call now! Operators are standing by.

Based on the fact that I am pretty much over life and can’t wait to check out, I’m pretty sure I will live forever.
Having said that, if you would like to be able to say “I slept with Christian way back when he was just 31 years old.” some day, then you need to get on the stick! I have just 2 weeks left as a 31 year old.
(this offer is only applicable to single females born before 1988. I am available for appearances anywhere within a 10 block radius of the Miami Beach jail. Further, if traveling expenses are paid. hey, traveling expenses are way cheaper than what some are charging![link possibly not safe for work])

Also… Uh… I want to say something about iSpeed but I don’t know what. Apparently it was developed by a 13 year old kid and that has placed me in a conundrum.
One one hand, it seems kind of awesome that a 13 year old can/would develop apps.
On the other hand, I can’t really say anything about iSpeed because I haven’t tried it yet. I’m too scared it will jack up my Mac. After all, it was developed by a 13 year old.
But wait… I thought it was awesome that a 13 year old can/would develop apps?
Well, yeah… But I’m still too skurred to try his app.
(actually, I wouldn’t have tried it even if it was made by a 45 year tech veteran because it’s not in english. I AM DUM AMERICAN AND I BARELY KNOW 1 LANGUAGE!!)