February 2007

How in the Tori Anus (.com!) can this be explained? 406,308 page views in January?? That’s more than December and November 2006 combined! I don’t get it.

Brandon reckons it’s his pictures (this one of his daughter, Mia, in particular) that are pulling in so much traffic, but I think it has more to do with Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking People (females only, of course! you know how homophobic I am.) that want to do me. But there are signs that I may be wrong. Like the fact that only Steve Jobs wants to be my twitter friend. And only 2 people want to be Netflix friends with me. These things almost make me want to cry. I guess I’ll have to rely on my 1800+ myspace friends to console me. Or not.

But here is what I really want to say with this post: STOP READING THIS BLITHER! Good lord, can’t you see what I’m doing?? I try and try to make FANLESS.com more and more unvisitable, but more and more people keep coming back. STOP IT! PLEASE!!
It was so awesome back in the day when nobody read what I typed because I could call whoever I wanted an asshole and not have to worry about it because NOBODY WAS GOING TO READ IT! But now…? Nearly 50,000 pairs of eyeballs on what I’m typing in just 31 days? Are you kidding me? WHY?
Ok, I get it that maybe 10 or so people might want to visit to see if I’m typing anything about them. I know this because they have told me so. But what about the rest of you? THERE IS NOTHING OF VALUE HERE! Stop trying to find it. REALLY!
I try to do what I can to make you want to stay as far away from fanless.com as possible… I mean, look at the colors! Are your retinas not nearly burned out? I mostly gave up on posting mediocre photos in lieu of extremely crappy pictures from my phone. That didn’t seem to help. I add plugin on top of plugin in an effort to slow the page loading, but I guess that’s not frustrating enough for you. Last summer I all but stopped posting for half a month and that ended up getting me the most page views for all of 2006. BANANAS! I’m not sure what to try next.
I’m about to give up, but I’m not even sure what that would yield me. It could end up being worse than this. Once half a million page views in one month happens, I might stop fighting it.
I can’t wait until things get back to 1996 status when I was like “Dude, 100 people looked at my web page this year! HIGH FIVE!!” Then I might feel like I can type what I actually feel like I want to type.