LOL INNERNETS

stupid stuff found on the innernets

Nov 1 2006

stats

October produced better numbers than September, but I have a strong suspicion that August will reign king for at least 6 more months.

Oh, also… Happy birthday to my friend Phil Hanks! He’s 32 today.
Actually, I maybe shouldn’t say that. I haven’t seen or talked to the guy in over 13 years, so he may no longer be with us. But last I heard, the guy became a Mormon, got married and has kids. I think he lives in Utah, but Hawaii is in my brain too.
If you’re Philip Hanks from Othello Washington you should chime in with your whereabouts and what you’re up to. (Just don’t try to convert me!)


Phil, me, Rod Schutte! (circa 1987-8?)

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Oct 31 2006

Miami Podcasts

Hello, what happened to The Miami Podcast? It’s been like 6 weeks since the last one.
Ok, it wasn’t the best podcast in the world or anything, but are there any other/better Miami/South Florida podcasts? If so, please direct my attention to them.
My listening material is getting so weak, I’m resorting to Linux/Ubuntu podcasts!
Oh, also… I updated my blog to the newest version of WordPress (2.0.5) tonight, and I updated 6 plugins. I think my recent comments thing is fucked up though. It should be showing only 3 days worth of comments.

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Oct 31 2006

(almost) famous!

Hey, lqqk at me! One of my pictures is on Wikipedia!

And if you like that one, there are a bunch more here.

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Oct 29 2006

ebayed

Man, if I didn’t have my tight whip sitting next to me, I’d think someone had stolen my bike and put it on ebay! It seems like whoever bought that one and this one got pretty good deals. $300 is a lot less than the $1799 they were brand new.
Also, if someone had never seen my GT Show, then they might think that this one was mine. Especially if they had seen my Hoffman EP!
ANd if you didn’t already know, that bike got jacked on April Fool’s day in 1999, but I’m slowly rebuilding a new EP.

I stayed up really late last night so I could watch the final MotoGP race live on the innernets. I got pretty close… I think within 5 minutes of the warmup, but then I fell asleep. Then once I woke up I had to stay away from the net until I could watch the race on TV at 3:30 PM.
I really didn’t think Nicky Hayden would be able to win the championship… Well, not after the last race! …but I knew he wouldn’t go down without a strong fight, so I was very moist with anticipation for this race to happen. Imagine my disappointment last saturday night when I realized I was a week too early. That made this past week really long.
Anyways, I finally got to watch the race, and the end result was worth all of the bother. After lap 4 the race was rather uneventful, but it was still fairly nerve-wracking just hoping Nicky could keep his bike running and on 2 wheels.

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Oct 25 2006

burning


Is this hot? Because one part of my brain is saying “Yes, you dickfur!! This is hot! WATCH IT AGAIN!” and another part is like “Um… this looks kind of ridiculous and she should clean her room and I think this girl might actually be young enough to be my daughter so I’m probably going to hell (or jail!) for watching this!”
PLZ ADVISE!

Also…

Same scenario.

Oh, this reminds me of last year’s Halloween when I was on Lincoln Road! I have no Halloween plans as of this moment. Maybe I’ll be on Lincoln Road again and MAYBE those girls will be there again too. That would be awesome.

P.S.: Further surfing of the tubes has lead me to the epitome of… I don’t even know where to start. If these girls were drnk when they made this video (and I’m assuming they were not), can you imaging how embarrassed they would be the next day? For fucks sake, I think I’m embarrassed for them! Is this a sure sign of me getting old? I mean, in the illustrious words of Funkmaster Flex, be clear. I have contributed countless dumb videos of me and my friends to the innernets. (more here)And maybe some people are embarrassed for me, but I’m not. Do you think that the fact that I can’t conceive what these girls were thinking when they uploaded these videos to the net means I am REALLY old?
That kind of scares me.

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Oct 25 2006

RSS feeds

These are the RSS feeds I am currently subscribed to (using RSS Menu).
Please advise if you know of a feed that I should add (even if it’s your own).

Also, please let me know if something like RSS Menu exists for Windows.

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Oct 23 2006

innernets ruler

If I were the overlord of the innernets and I could control anything on the net I wanted by simply clicking on a button, these are the 5 things I would do first:
1) Bring back Amy and Steph’s blogs. Amy’s blog has been gone for only a couple of days, but I already miss it.

2) Threaded comments. I’ve tried to add threaded comments to fanless.com a couple of times, but it never worked exactly how I wanted it to. Actually, I never got them to work at all, but I blame a lack of documentation, not a lack of fully functioning brain cells. I think threaded comments are what I miss most from my liveurinal.

3) Theme changer. Back in 2000, one of the things I wanted most on a website was the ability to easily change its look. I think that for the most part, my blog would look how it looks now, but I would also have skins or whatever that were mostly black and mostly green. And maybe one that was mostly blue or red. Oh, I would also want these skins to be selected randomly on each visit.

4) Wider content area! One thing I hate about the theme I am using now is that I can’t post 800 pixel wide pictures. I can’t even post 640 px pics. I mean, I CAN, but then they run into the sidebar and that isn’t good. I like the lightbox thing well enough, but sometimes I’m too lazy to click on pics to make them bigger and 400-450 pixel wide images are just too small for me. I have a big-ass screen for a reason, ya know!

5) What am I listening to? You see that list of stuff I’ve been listening to on the sidebar? It probably lists a bunch of podcasts and maybe some Chamillionaire or rap from the 90s. Well, those tracks are clickable but clicking on them won’t take you anywhere. When I implemented that into the page, I was running dottunes and you COULD download the tracks. But then I got a little scared I was going to get sued or something and it was totally sucking up my bandwidth from home and then I moved my iTunes library to my G3 and when I tried to run dottunes on that computer I found out that my registration was tied to my iMac G5 and it was too much bother to get a new serial number. Maybe I’ll look into getting that fixed tonight.

I think I had a couple more things to add but I forgot them. OH YEAH!! At this moment I have 19,056 pictures in my iPhoto library (all taken within the last 2 years). If it were as simple as clicking a button, they would all be online right now.

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Oct 12 2006

smack that bitch!

Do you know what really bums me out about this year’s weak hurricane season? Fewer opportunities to capture something like this!

I don’t even watch hurricane news, but I happened to have it on when this happened, and I decided to put it on youtube. (obviously this was months ago)

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Sep 27 2006

drama llama

In here we have some boondongle keychains internet drama. A must-have for this season’s fashion.
Even though http://stuckonthepalmetto.blogspot.com and CriticalMiami.com are pretty much the only blogs I visit (oh, and TheDirtMiami.com) I wasn’t interested enough to actually read each of the comments all the way through. That meant I couldn’t really decide who I wanted to win the argument, so I did the most logical thing… I made a linkfight!
As you can see http://stuckonthepalmetto.blogspot.com pretty much got p0wnt, which kind of bummed me out because I thought the premisses of the debate was pretty lame. Say what you want about online polls, but it’s still kind of fun to click on buttons and look at graphs.
But, you know… These innernets are zOMG SERIOUS BUSINESS!!

…and that gave me the brilliant idea of… A POLL!!

Which blog do you like the most?
FANLESS.com (duh!)
http://stuckonthepalmetto.blogspot.com
http://www.criticalmiami.com
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

…and do you know what is even more ridiculous than arguing over online polls…? Getting Screech to promote your web hosting business!

That wasn’t even what I was going to type about, but I spent too long playing with linkfight and now I want to watch The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift!

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Sep 20 2006

LQQK @ me! I’M (almost) FAMOUS!!

In the illustrious words of Ron Burgundy, “I don’t know how to put this… but… I’m kind of a big deal!”
I mean, if a person designs a shoe and then it is on the shoe manufacturer’s website, that kind of makes it a signature shoe, right? So this is my Air Jordan, yes? Or to show a little more fealty to Etnies, my signature shoe is liken to Taj’s Roscoe (or even the Trauma from back in the day). Rooftop’s… uh… Rooftop! Joe Rich’s uh… dang, the name of his shoe just slipped my mind. What the hell was it called?? Maybe that’s why they don’t sell it now… Um… It was somewhat close to the Trauma… Like it started with a T… C’mon brain! Don’t fail me now!! I know… I’ll see if it’s on that cool timeline thing on etnies’ site. OH YEAH! The Throttle! I’m sure you get my point: I’M AWESOME! Does Travis Pastrana have a signature DC shoe? I don’t think so! He may have one-off Thor Lumber Jack gear, but is he going to wear it to the mall? Not very likely. (I guess it’s about as likely as Travas Pastrana hanging out at a mall, but… semantics, ya know? Oh, and beyond that, didn’t Travis donate his Lumber Jack jersey to the David Bailey Extravaganza auction or something?)
I’m actually not done typing yet. I’m going to divulge into the not-so-deep history I have with wearing Etnies.
Way back in July of 2001, Kim and I were in NYC and I was dying to get a pair of Taj’s zOMG BRAND NEW Traumas! We hit pretty much every shop between Grand and Broadway all the way up to Central Park. I’m serious! Ask Kim!! All I wanted was a size 10.5 pair of Etnies so I could be cool like Taj. I ended up getting a pair of Etnies Tremors* at YRB instead. That was my very first pair of Etnies. They’re pretty beat up by now, but they fit so well. I still wear them when we hit the trails.
I never got a pair of Traumas, but after a couple of years and a couple of pairs of Vans/Orchids/Fluevogs/whatever passed, Taj got a new signature pair of Etnies in the afore mentioned Roscoe. Well, once I saw them I knew there was no way I was going to not get a pair! And I finally did, in the spring of 2005. I think this is the only picture I have of those. And not too long after that, I got a pair of Rune Glifberg’s signature Etnies, The Tip. Then in December of 2005 I got another pair of Roscos, this time in Green/Yellow. (I guess I don’t have a picture of them) I’ve worn those shoes almost exclusively all year. They’re a little dirty, but really not showing any wear.
It seems kind of amazing that I was able to go 9+ months without buying new shoes. I LOVE SHOES! I mean, I just pointed out that I bought 3 pairs of Etnies in 2005. I guess it just goes to show how broke I’ve been this year.
My recent raise should alleviate that some.
So, go buy a pair of Etnies, but before you do, be sure to play a little Braap Braap! and if you don’t totally suck at it, you’ll get a discount on your purchase.

Oh, P.S.: I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everybody that helped me get to where I’m at today. Self; thank you, self. I owe it all to you!

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*Ok, what is the proper grammar for this? The shoe name is “Tremor”, but I bought a pair… as in two shoes, not one. So do I just change the name to “Tremors” or do I say “I bought a pair of Etnies Tremor” because I’m talking about one pair??? This is why I need a r1lly smrt girlfriend; so I could ask her questions like this all of the time.

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Sep 20 2006

Early Warning

I don’t really have any plans for this weekend, but I kind of hope to find a wife at the casting for Hottest Mom in America on Saturday. (Hey, I just thought of something! I wonder of the “TRUE MILF” is going to try out for this show? If so, will she demonstrate her special talent at the casting?? OH SNAP! I just found the most amazing web site on all of the innernets (maybe not work safe – I actually can’t wait to get to work to show everyone this gem!!) while browsing the milf squirter’s site. At first I just assumed they were sound effects, but watch the 3 sample videos and judge for yourself. My friend Kim should start a site like that! She’d probably make millions.) Failing that, I’ll probably spend a considerable amount of time at the Zephyrhill Beach Volleyball Series National Championships From Miami Beach! It’s actually Family Fitness Weekend here on the beach, so there are several things going on. Oh, and the Motocross des Nations is this weekend, so I’ll probably be trying to stay on top of that too. I’d probably be a lot less interested if James Stewart wasn’t on Team USA.

I don’t think I have any plans for the next 2 weekends, but the Jeremy McGrath Invitational is on the weekend of October 6-7th. I plan on being in Orlando October 13-15th for the Dew Action Sports Tour. I’m still waiting for Brandon to get back to me on whether or not we have hook-ups. The US Open of Supercross is that same weekend.

I don’t have any plans for the weekend after that, but I think I have to be in West Palm on Sunday the 29th for Mia’s 1st birthday party. Might be a Halloween party stuffed in there somewhere too.
I have 3 tickets to see New Found Glory on the following Saturday, November 4th, at Revolution in Ft. Lauderdale. If you’re single, over 18, female, and have a friend that matches these criteria, and you’re willing to give me a ride to/from the show, you and your friend can share my 3 tickets with me. Otherwise, I’ll make Kim and Brandon drive down from West Palm, pick me up on the beach, drive back to Ft. Lauderdale for the show, drive back to South Beach to drop me off, AND THEN they can drive back to West Palm. Hey, if you think that’s a lot of miles to cover for a concert, just remember that when I was growing up in Washington State we would have to drive to Seattle (probably 350 miles round trip!) or Spokane (250 miles round trip) to see anyone worth seeing! Also… Back in 2001 Kim and I flew to NYC to see NFG! I also flew to Oklahoma City Oklahoma and Seattle to see Blink 182 that year. I must have been kind of rich back then. The summer of 2001 was kind of crazy… I spent like $300 to get into the MacWorld Keynote in NYC, and then the next weekend I flew to Kansas City MO where my parents picked me up and we drove to Manhattan Kansas for a family reunion. I wonder what my hick cousins thought of me when I was like… “Yeah, this morning I was on South Beach and I just got home from spending 10 days in Manhattan and now I’m in Manhattan Kansas. WTF?”. Then my parents flew back to Florida with me and they hung out for a week or so. That was the first and only time they came to visit me down here. That was also the first and only time I have been to Key West. Then about a month later September 11th happened and I already had plans made/tickets purchased to fly to OKC on September 15th. I remember sweating those 4 days HOPING none of my flights would be screwed up. That ended up being a pretty cool trip. Then I flew to Seattle in December. Things were definitely different for me back then. I mean, as of right now I am overdrawn by $56.22 so obviously I’m not traveling as much these days. Oh, also… I just got a raise at work which is pretty awesome! I’ve been pretty proud of how hard I’ve been working for the past couple of months and it’s nice to be rewarded for my hard work. Now if everybody that owes me money would pay me I might be able to fly somewhere! And I’ll get to where in a sec… I kind of went off on a tangent there. ANYWAYS…

I will turn 32 one week after the NFG show. The Swatch Paparazzi is being featured on woot.com today and that would make a tremendous birthday present for a guy like me! I’d buy it for myself, but, as I said… I’m overdrawn! And if you’re female, over 18, and single and you bought me that watch, I would be willing to TRY TO make you squirt like the afore mentioned squirting milf! I really want that watch! Actually, I’d love to have any of the Swatch Smart watches for men. I’d also love to have a Swatch Nautilus. That was the very first Swatch I owned. I think I got it in 1986. I’ve wanted to get another one ever since I lost mine.

Let’s see… The weekend after that would be the weekend before Thanksgiving and I don’t think I have anything planned. Oh, you know what…? I think the Nintendo Wii comes out on November 19th and I’d love to get my hands on one of those, even if just to play Excite Truck! Then Thanksgiving weekend… And then nothing for the following weekend and then…

I will probably be flying to Seattle on Thursday December 7th! This trip will probably be a carbon copy of last year where I flew to Seattle on a Thursday and the innernets got me drnk and then the next day I was really Really REALLY R1LLY hungover and we had to pull over 3 times so I could vomit on the side of I-90 while crossing the Cascades en-route to the farm. That was one of the worst days of my life, but the trip as a whole was pretty awesome!
Of course, you know what happens after one more planless weekend… Christmas and then New Year’s Eve!! And that’s the rest of my year.
Oh, I forgot… I think there are 2 rounds of the World Supercross championship in December, but I forget when they are exactly.
And then the real Supercross series starts in Anaheim on January 6th and then I think MacWorld starts on the 9th and then…

WOW! That was a lot of typing!!

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Sep 19 2006

zOMG! Exclusive Interview!

As part of the Miami Cross Blogination project, Manola 180 risked life and limb to catch the elusive Fanless on IM! Finally, South Beach’s sexiest Mexican bares all in a sensitive, heartfelt interview.

Manola: Fanless, you’ve reached over 200,000 hits. WTF?

    First of all, I hit over 200,000 hits way back in like 1996. But recently I acquired 200,000 hits in one month! So, obviously, counting all of those hits has taken up a lot of my time. And do you know how hard it is to count to 200,000+ when you only have 10 fingers and 10 toes to count on?? It ain’t easy, let me tell ya!

Manola: Yet, your reputation for giving great photoshop jobs precums you. What was the worst evar photoshop job you had to do? More spermifically, did it involve pubic hairs from a dood?

    I have definitely had to tame my fair share of dick fur, but that doesn’t bother me too much. I mean, I don’t enjoy it, but it doesn’t annoy me nearly as much as asinine retouching requests. I’m talking about stuff that doesn’t make a blonde cunt hair’s difference, but the client keeps sending the image back until it is EXACTLY how they want it. I’m like, “Look, you’re not going to get booked for that Guess Jeans job just because there’s a fucking extra inch of fence in the background of your picture, ok? You might want to lay off of the Häagen-Dazs if you’re looking for ways to boost your bookability.” There’s a saying in the trade that goes like this… “You can’t polish a turd!”

Manola: Hmm. We’re all crazy about you, but move over Fanless. How about LAWLESS? An insider from The Fart Deco Preservation Society leaked some confidential information about a cease and desist letter on the usage of GREEN and PINK. It’s also rumored that an attorney-at-flaw wants to fajita-grill your ass for giving his daughter an overdose of javascript that ended in prophylactic seizures. Supp?

    I’m on beer # 2.5. Can I get drnk before answering that?

Manola: Oh nose! Hey, you needn’t go into detail … next question! You are the most elusive, least photographed celebrity hunted by the paparazzi! How do you do it? Personally, I’ve been stalking you every time you’ve ordered an over-priced quesadilla at News Café, but you slide in and out like a tequila-lubricated one-night stand!

    Yeah, ya know… Haters all around, I tell ya. Here’s the thing… I do my thing, and people bitch about it. Even if it doesn’t have anything to do with them. And then I’ll stop doing my thing and people start to bitch, saying they’ve got to get theirs too. And I’m like… Pick a lane, Ed! One or the other already! AND THEN people are gonna try to blame ME for their mental issues? HELLO? The shit goes all blinky/shaky/blinding/whatever for a reason! Hell yeah people are gonna trip! That’s the point! People try to shit on me, and I just try to stay on top and keep smiling. Life is like fucking a fat girl… Sometimes it can be easy to lose your focus and forget what you’re aiming for. All you gotta do is roll her in flour and go for the wet spot!

Manola: South Beach wouldn’t be the same without Fanless. What’s next for the Fanless we all adore?

    I lay low out of necessity! It’s actually necessary for me to lay low for 2 reasons… I gotta stay true to what I know, and I can’t be having people trying to steal my flower! And they try too! Everywhere I go, lovely ladies (and sometimes twinks!) be trying to get my attention and that usually leads to them trying to trick me into stanking them. That ain’t what I’m all about, ya know! I ain’t married and what not. Of course, on the flip side I gotta lay low because this is South Beach! If you’re sober enough to keep half an eyelid open you’re gonna see hot chicks! And.. Ya know… I’m a man! A man with a thang! When I see lovely South Beach ladies, my thang tries to get a look too! And I can’t be seen in public with Rusty Johnson standing at attention, know what I’m saying? People will point and stare and some women would straight pass out if they saw that. Trust me, it’s happened before! Police were called and stuff. It’s just easier for me to stay home with my innernets and television and stuff. It’s really best for everyone.

Manola: Dude, what the Torianus.com was that all about?

    Oh, sorry! What’s next? I dunno… Hey, do you have a little sister??

We know you can’t get enough of Fanless. Catch him today at Miami Vegan!

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Sep 18 2006

drnk.com

Dear innernets,
Is this offensive??

One of a kind 9/11 tribute (tears guaranteed)
“One of a kind 9/11 tribute (tears guaranteed)” on Google Video
On September 11, 2001, nearly 3,000 Americans lost their lives. This is their story.

Hey, at least today isn’t 9-11!
Also, why do I get so annoyed when people say 9-1-1 instead of 9-11?? I love Paul Harvey and all, but I about lose it when I hear him say “9-1-1”! It’s not 9-1-1! 911 is what you dial in an emergency! The date “9-1-1” was like 2005 years ago! If you’re referring to 9-11 it’s NOT 9-1-1!!

I will be posting on Miami Vegan tomorrow as part of the Miami Cross Blogination and at this point I have no idea what I will post there. PLZ ADVISE!!! This whole Cross Blogination thing feels like homework! And I never complete my homework on time. That’s probably why I never graduated from high school but www.conquercollege.com, an educational managing tool is a recommended website to use for it’s free and works for a matter of seconds.

Also, in 30 minutes I will be walking over to Uncle Sam’s to pick up the new New Found Glory CD! I am so moist with anticipation!

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Sep 18 2006

drnk.com

Dear innernets,
Is this offensive??

Hey, at least today isn’t 9-11!
Also, why do I get so annoyed when people say 9-1-1 instead of 9-11?? I love Paul Harvey and all, but I about lose it when I hear him say “9-1-1”! It’s not 9-1-1! 911 is what you dial in an emergency! The date “9-1-1” was like 2005 years ago! If you’re referring to 9-11 it’s NOT 9-1-1!!

I will be posting on Miami Vegan tomorrow as part of the Miami Cross Blogination and at this point I have no idea what I will post there. PLZ ADVISE!!! This whole Cross Blogination thing feels like homework! And I never complete my homework on time. That’s probably why I never graduated from high school.

Also, in 30 minutes I will be walking over to Uncle Sam’s to pick up the new New Found Glory CD! I am so moist with anticipation!

Oh, P.S.: Manola will be providing the lulz here tomorrow (Tuesday)!

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