CPCalzadillas (4:19:13 AM):
set the record straight'
CPCalzadillas (4:19:23 AM):
so to speak.
MrsFANLESS (4:19:23 AM):
and what are the other
things that you are thinking?
CPCalzadillas (4:19:46 AM):
i don't know. i would just like a little more background or whatever.
MrsFANLESS (4:20:14 AM):
well ask then.
CPCalzadillas (4:20:16 AM):
so are you going to talk about it?
CPCalzadillas (4:20:20 AM):
i did ask.
CPCalzadillas (4:20:31 AM):
i asked for the story.
MrsFANLESS (4:20:36 AM):
are you going to not speak
to me again?
CPCalzadillas (4:20:37 AM):
i asked for a name.
CPCalzadillas (4:20:39 AM):
no.
MrsFANLESS (4:21:27 AM):
well... i dunno where
to start. ever since the new place we moved to, i got to see him more...
and we just got along...
CPCalzadillas (4:21:37 AM):
his name?
MrsFANLESS (4:21:47 AM):
why is that important?
CPCalzadillas (4:21:51 AM):
it isn't.
CPCalzadillas (4:22:06 AM):
why can't you say it?
MrsFANLESS (4:22:16 AM):
fine... brett.
CPCalzadillas (4:22:23 AM):
is he your boyfriend?
MrsFANLESS (4:23:23 AM):
nah wouldn't say that
now... but he kinda was.. i dunno .. yes, no, i dunno..
CPCalzadillas (4:23:32 AM):
why not now?
MrsFANLESS (4:24:00 AM):
coz i don't get to see
him as much because he's working somewhere else now. dfferent hours, longer
distance.
CPCalzadillas (4:24:20 AM):
you just kissed him?
MrsFANLESS (4:24:50 AM):
yeah.
CPCalzadillas (4:24:59 AM):
and he only kissed you?
MrsFANLESS (4:25:13 AM):
yeah,
CPCalzadillas (4:25:18 AM):
where?
MrsFANLESS (4:25:50 AM):
what do you mean where!?
CPCalzadillas (4:26:10 AM):
where did you kiss eachother. as in body part.
MrsFANLESS (4:26:51 AM):
lips, neck...
it didn't turn into anything
more... but i'll be honest... if he stayed at scotts, it would have.
CPCalzadillas (4:26:56 AM):
and where did you kiss... as in what location... work?
MrsFANLESS (4:27:24 AM):
work, outside of work...
car... um... other places.
CPCalzadillas (4:27:34 AM):
what other places?
MrsFANLESS (4:27:47 AM):
but no one saw us at work.
MrsFANLESS (4:28:13 AM):
like lunch... hotel rooms...
where ever we were. nice outside garden..
CPCalzadillas (4:28:19 AM):
how long did it go on for?
MrsFANLESS (4:28:28 AM):
his house.
MrsFANLESS (4:28:39 AM):
months.
CPCalzadillas (4:28:45 AM):
how many?
MrsFANLESS (4:29:12 AM):
5.. 6... i dunno..
CPCalzadillas (4:29:17 AM):
oh.
MrsFANLESS (4:29:30 AM):
we still talk.
CPCalzadillas (4:29:33 AM):
i see.
MrsFANLESS (4:29:33 AM):
so do you feel sick?
CPCalzadillas (4:29:49 AM):
when did you last kiss him?
MrsFANLESS (4:30:33 AM):
why? do you feel sick?
.
CPCalzadillas (4:30:36 AM):
i've been sick since you asked me if i've kissed anyone. I had an idea
where this was going to end up. That's why I asked about it.
CPCalzadillas (4:30:44 AM):
Because I am just wondering.
MrsFANLESS (4:31:12 AM):
so has this changed things
for you about me?
CPCalzadillas (4:31:15 AM):
soo...?
MrsFANLESS (4:31:28 AM):
thusday/
CPCalzadillas (4:31:35 AM):
not really.
CPCalzadillas (4:31:49 AM):
if anything, it's good.
CPCalzadillas (4:32:07 AM):
because now i can finally (hopefully) not pine over you. <===
This is what I wanted to happen. Then I could focus on someone else...
YOU!
MrsFANLESS (4:32:11 AM):
why?
MrsFANLESS (4:32:27 AM):
you shoudln't have anyway.
CPCalzadillas (4:32:43 AM):
It's not like it was something i wanted to do.
MrsFANLESS (4:33:05 AM):
so does this mean that
oyu don't want to be with me?
CPCalzadillas (4:33:55 AM):
I'm not saying that at all... Because it's not true. But i think it's obvious
that you don't want to be with me.
MrsFANLESS (4:35:24 AM):
it's not that.. i deunno
what it is. he was here, he made/makes me happy... i dunno what else to
tell you. it didn't happen straight away. we both felt something, but ignored
it...
CPCalzadillas (4:36:22 AM):
ok, then... Why complicate what you have going by talking to me?
CPCalzadillas (4:38:08 AM):
whatever.
MrsFANLESS (4:38:20 AM):
well what do you want
to happen
MrsFANLESS (4:38:24 AM):
?.
CPCalzadillas (4:38:39 AM):
nothing.
CPCalzadillas (4:39:00 AM):
at this point i wish things would have ended when they did earlier in the
year.
MrsFANLESS (4:40:10 AM):
so are you saying that
i shoudn't worry about working us out?
CPCalzadillas (4:40:20 AM):
why would you anyways?
CPCalzadillas (4:40:32 AM):
or how are you?
MrsFANLESS (4:41:34 AM):
i will always care for
you... there's always an interest..
CPCalzadillas (4:41:39 AM):
it seems like you already have a bird in the hand... why bother going after
the one in the bush?
MrsFANLESS (4:41:57 AM):
it's not that easy both
ways.
CPCalzadillas (4:41:59 AM):
i... i dunno about that...
CPCalzadillas (4:42:25 AM):
i would have believed that before... but...
CPCalzadillas (4:42:27 AM):
i dunno.
CPCalzadillas (4:42:35 AM):
nevermind.
MrsFANLESS (4:42:37 AM):
dunn what?
CPCalzadillas (4:42:39 AM):
i'm done talking.
CPCalzadillas (4:43:39 AM):
you say you care for me... but you would do things like that, that you
know would hurt me? that doesn't make sense.
MrsFANLESS (4:44:05 AM):
there was no you and me
when that was happening thank you.
CPCalzadillas (4:44:07 AM):
one time i could understand... 6 months is a bit hard to swallow.
MrsFANLESS (4:44:39 AM):
well believe what you
want... i was giving you the chance/time/whatever..
CPCalzadillas (4:45:16 AM):
i know that. but who was it that ended it all? you. I was here thinking
you were being true... just doing your thing there to earn money to come
here.
CPCalzadillas (4:45:37 AM):
the thing is... how can i compete with that?
CPCalzadillas (4:45:46 AM):
never mind the past...
CPCalzadillas (4:46:00 AM):
but how can i compete with what you have now?
CPCalzadillas (4:46:18 AM):
I am 73264768237647823687462378647832 km away. I am not able to go there
any time soon.
MrsFANLESS (4:46:25 AM):
well i was into working
everything out, wasn't i?
CPCalzadillas (4:46:51 AM):
You said you were... But now your actions aren't really showing that.
CPCalzadillas (4:47:07 AM):
i understand you doind what youhave to do, and all... but...
CPCalzadillas (4:47:14 AM):
well, it hurts. A LOT.
CPCalzadillas (4:47:33 AM):
i just don't see how i can win here.
MrsFANLESS (4:47:50 AM):
well d you want to stop
talking to me?
CPCalzadillas (4:48:08 AM):
because i really don't think you're willing to end what you have going
now to make things work with me, are you?
MrsFANLESS (4:48:50 AM):
well before you knew anything,
i was... wasn't i? so why would that change?
CPCalzadillas (4:49:04 AM):
no.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:09 AM):
apparently you were not.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:21 AM):
at least you didn't.
MrsFANLESS (4:49:24 AM):
i fkn' said i was.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:34 AM):
i think i'm lost.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:39 AM):
and i'm not shitty.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:48 AM):
just hurt.
CPCalzadillas (4:49:59 AM):
and i'm totally not trying to put any blame on you.
CPCalzadillas (4:50:11 AM):
i'm just trying to show you how i am seeing things.
MrsFANLESS (4:50:12 AM):
the whole 6 months i wasn't
even talking to you.
CPCalzadillas (4:50:37 AM):
when did we ever go 6 months without talking?
MrsFANLESS (4:51:51 AM):
not the entire 6 months.
but i wasn't into working things out the whole time... just a while ago
i was. . and you knew that because i wouldn't even talk to you on the phone
when you called.
CPCalzadillas (4:51:52 AM):
i know not much was said for quite a while... but like i said... i thought
you were just doing your thing... saving money to come here.
CPCalzadillas (4:52:41 AM):
ok, well...
MrsFANLESS (4:52:49 AM):
bull... it had ended...
i didn't like what was going on.
CPCalzadillas (4:53:09 AM):
what are you willing to do to make something between you and me happen?
MrsFANLESS (4:53:38 AM):
i can't do anything until
i'm happy with you, and got cash to go there.
MrsFANLESS (4:54:04 AM):
you should come here.
MrsFANLESS (4:54:26 AM):
what i hate is that i
have to go THERE... i'd be much happier if we both moved to a new place..
met half way.
CPCalzadillas (4:55:02 AM):
well, do you see what you're asking of me, from my point of view? You are
saying... Ok, I'm going to keep my boyfriend/whatever i have now until
you're up to my standards, and are able to come here.
CPCalzadillas (4:55:19 AM):
i am willing to go there for a visit.
MrsFANLESS (4:56:04 AM):
i'm not saying that at
all.
you make the decision...
CPCalzadillas (4:56:20 AM):
then can you tell me what you're saying?
MrsFANLESS (4:56:51 AM):
i can't explain it...
and you just take everything the wrong way. i should have said nothing.
CPCalzadillas (4:57:03 AM):
I think my bottom line is this... are you willing to not see this guy again?
MrsFANLESS (4:57:41 AM):
yes, but not right now...
you and i are not together... and i'm sorry, but i don't love you.
CPCalzadillas (4:57:52 AM):
do you love him?
MrsFANLESS (4:58:20 AM):
i dunno.
CPCalzadillas (4:59:10 AM):
Can you see why I am a bit hesitant here? Why I feel like I need to concede?
MrsFANLESS (4:59:34 AM):
Well, do what you think
is right for you.
CPCalzadillas (4:59:46 AM):
you already have a boyfriend there. I am here.
you don't know if you love him, but you know
you don't love me.
MrsFANLESS (5:00:31 AM):
Are you crying?
CPCalzadillas (5:00:32 AM):
i need for YOU to tell me what to do because you know how things are better
than I do.
CPCalzadillas (5:00:37 AM):
no.
CPCalzadillas (5:01:04 AM):
in other words... do I even stand a chance?
CPCalzadillas (5:01:29 AM):
because from the looks of it... there is no way in hell.
MrsFANLESS (5:01:46 AM):
I've been giving you a
chance.
CPCalzadillas (5:03:37 AM):
What would happen if I packed all of my shit tonight, and hopped on a plane
there in the morning?
CPCalzadillas (5:03:45 AM):
shit, it IS morning already.
MrsFANLESS (5:04:24 AM):
well i'd give you a major
chance.. i'd be focused on you..
CPCalzadillas (5:04:43 AM):
and why is that?
CPCalzadillas (5:04:58 AM):
you don't love me, but you might love him.
MrsFANLESS (5:05:40 AM):
because i have my reasons.
CPCalzadillas (5:08:03 AM):
when do you reckon you'll see him again?
MrsFANLESS (5:08:34 AM):
i have noooo idea.
CPCalzadillas (5:08:49 AM):
Can you tell me about Thursday?
MrsFANLESS (5:09:18 AM):
Just tell me... If it
hurts you, why do you want to know?
CPCalzadillas (5:09:26 AM):
like, how you were able to see him then, and what all went on.
CPCalzadillas (5:09:39 AM):
because i want to know what i'm up against.
MrsFANLESS (5:09:46 AM):
What for?
MrsFANLESS (5:10:34 AM):
There is no reason for
you to need to know this.
CPCalzadillas (5:11:00 AM):
i mean... this really is the jumping point. this is where we decide if
we're going to make this happen, or not. My decidion on whether I'm in
or not depends on what i'm up against.
CPCalzadillas (5:11:16 AM):
hearing about thursday would help me know what i am up against.
MrsFANLESS (5:12:40 AM):
i can't say whaat you're
up against... it doesn't work that way.
what do you want to do right
now?
CPCalzadillas (5:13:01 AM):
i want to hear about thursday.
MrsFANLESS (5:13:15 AM):
it's not going to do anything
for you.
CPCalzadillas (5:13:23 AM):
how do you know?
MrsFANLESS (5:13:46 AM):
because i know.
MrsFANLESS (5:14:01 AM):
so what do you want to
do right now?
CPCalzadillas (5:14:15 AM):
I want to hear about thursday.
MrsFANLESS (5:14:38 AM):
you're not going to hear
about it.
CPCalzadillas (5:14:45 AM):
why not?
MrsFANLESS (5:15:11 AM):
because telling you isn't
going to do anything. it's nt going to tell you what yu're up against.
CPCalzadillas (5:15:30 AM):
i don't care. i still want to hear about it.
MrsFANLESS (5:15:44 AM):
nope.
CPCalzadillas (5:16:11 AM):
why aren't you willing to help me make this decidion?
CPCalzadillas (5:16:15 AM):
decision.
MrsFANLESS (5:16:43 AM):
thursday is not going
to help. there isn't anything to know.
do you what you want.
MrsFANLESS (5:17:13 AM):
i mean, do what you want.
MrsFANLESS (5:23:11 AM):
so?
That was the end because
I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning my apartment as if I had just had
a party at my parents house, and they just called to say they were on their
way home. It was like I went a little mental or something. Like cleaning
my apartment was going to clean up my life/head. Then I spent like an hour
typing that post. Then I went to bed. The end.